Graduation

Graduation was last Friday. I got into Chitown on Thursday and did some serious retail therapy. After Wednesday. I had my nails done and my hair highlighted. I'm much blonder than I was before. I checked into the hotel and got to the suite and unpacked a bit before sitting on the couch. When I looked around the beautiful room I was in I started to cry. It was supposed to be my parents' suite. I was supposed to be staying at Jeff's. I was sad my parents weren't there to enjoy a room I had gotten for them and I missed the boys.

Later, Jon arrived in town and came over so we could catch up. He was like a tornado at first but eventually he slowed down. We have more in common than I would have known. It was a good talk.

Graduation is kind of a blur. The day was packed and tiring. I have no idea what the commencement speaker spoke about other then it had to do with Inuits, seal deaths, and civilizations transforming. I was busy looking at the list of graduates thinking we were going to be there all night. The handing out of the degrees only took an hour which it didn't even seem that long. By far the most were from the GSB, and the applause after the last of the GSB'ers got their degree was very long. It was an amazing moment. I managed not to cry. When I got back to my seat with mine, I had it in my lap and the girl next to me opened hers, I oddly hadn't even thought to open mine. How odd is that? When I opened it, I stared at it a long time almost as if under my gaze it might disintegrate.

The blur went by and it was time to proceed out, as I stepped out of the chapel the bagpipes were playing and there was a sea of caps and gowns over the lawn in front of me. Through the sea as if parting his own path came Jeff and I walked down the steps and into his arms. It was a perfect moment! He whispered in my ear how proud of me he was and of course I melted all gooey. Jon snuck up on us and got pictures of us together before I even knew he was there. Soon the three of us made our way over to the B-School building for the reception. I don't think I even tasted the first glass of champagne and it was then I realized I was shaking, I think I was just on complete overload!

Ryan, Dan, Craig, and myself and the families and guests all gathered in one corner and soon Harry was over there as well. Jeff was not going to be able to make dinner but we agreed to meet up later for drinks. The four graduates met up with Francisco while having our picture taken with the big Chicago GSB banner. Francisco and I hugged before we parted and he got all teary which made me all teary (hell I'm all teary just writing it). Promising we would stay in touch when we knew we would see each other on Saturday.

Dinner was fun and after we all went back to the hotel to put kids to bed. Then Jon, Craig, Danny and I met in the hotel bar for drinks. I managed not to cry knowing we wouldn't be doing this again for a while. We discussed how and when we would be getting together. As we were getting tired and things were winding down, I started getting texts from Jeff. They weren't the texts I was expecting and I knew he wasn't doing well. His own personal situation is rather bumpy at the moment and I started getting worried about him. The guys asked me what was up and I looked at Dan who knows the situation and told him that Jeff was drinking alone at PJ's and not doing well. I was trying hard to talk Jeff into joining us so I could gauge how he was in person. I was about to excuse myself to go get a coat from my room and make the run to PJ's when he agreed to come to the hotel.

The guys all retired and I waited for Jeff to arrive. I was about to go meet him in the lobby which is a floor above the bar when he called me and asked where I was and he came out of the elevators behind me. When I turned on the stairs to see him, my heart broke for him because I saw his pain. I knew there was nothing I could say and just stepped back down to him and gave him a hug. I don't even remember what I said to him when the hug broke I just remember the look on his face when he responded and it brought another hug. We went up to the suite and sat and talked. He had brought a gyro with him. For the record I don't like lamb. He made me take a bite of it when I told him I had never had one from the place he got it which I knew was well known for the best gyros in Chicago. What is it about being fed by a hot guy that makes everything taste better!?! Our conversation turned to me and I'm not honestly sure how that happened, but I think it was easier for him than talking about what was going on with him. He broke an internal dam I had built within myself though I'm not sure he is aware he did and since he doesn't read this blog the knowledge remains safe.

Graduation day was a whirlwind of emotions and activities. It was closure and beginnings, happiness and sadness, sweet and scary. It was worth every penny!

Ugh

I have some checking up to do. Saturday before graduation I picked up Danny and our team mate Francisco from the airport and off we went for oatmeal and practice for our presentation for Schrager the Brilliant! Francisco was the first to the airport beating even me there. He called me as I was trying to sneak out of Jeff's house without waking anyone. I'm standing in the foyer struggling with the bags and my cell phone blares "On Wisconsin". I'm pretty sure I woke the whole house.

When I got to O'hare and Francisco got in the car we talked for a few while waiting for Danny to make it to Chitown. Francisco said, "you know Tammy, we have come full circle. You were the first one I met in our first class and this is our last and you picked me up at the airport." It was sweet and made me teary because it wasn't something I had thought about specifically.

Our presentation went better than I thought it would. I was incredibly nervous because it was Schrager the Brilliant, but the dream team pulled it off.

We went to PJ Clarke's after class for a few drinks. When we arrived Francisco said, "Tammy, did you get my voice mail?" My phone was on silent but looked at it and sure enough it was there. I didn't however check to see how many. (That was a mistake.) After a drink, lots of hugs and smiles, it was time to get Danny back to O'hare. I said good byes and stepped out of the bar while Danny finished saying good bye. That was when I realized there were three voice mails, two from my Dad. On the corner of Columbus and Illinois I found out my mom was back in the hospital. I cried and tried to walk as fast as I could away from the worried Dan. When I let go and tried to tell him I really lost it, I cried, Danny hugged and we walked back to my Jeep. I couldn't imagine where I would find the energy to do this again. I was thinking I was pretty well wore out just from being so close to done with school. And worst yet, this was supposed to be this great week of graduation and partying, and I knew in that moment that my parents would not be at graduation. It sounds selfish, but I didn't want to let that week slip away.

Needless to say I ended up in Omaha. Truly not my favorite place on the planet. But while I was there I have to say thanks to my friends who were there for me even down to the tear filled call from the hospital stairwell.

Things between Dad and I got too strained when I found out what he was blaming on me to defend his actions and I couldn't do anything but sit around in waiting areas and the doctor had cleared me to go to graduation. So I left Omaha and headed to work at not feeling guilty for going to have fun in Chicago.

Bitter Sweet Overwhelm and an E-card

I am less than two weeks from graduating. I find myself reminiscing most of the 5 hour drive home from Chicago. It makes me laugh and it makes me teary.

On Saturday morning, while Dan and I were doing our Saturday morning ritual of me picking him up at O'hare and having breakfast of oatmeal together at Gleacher, I realized how much I was going to miss having breakfast Saturday mornings with him. We talked about it and how much he appreciated me picking him up at the airport so he didn't have to ride the L.

A week ago we both got stranded in Chicago on Saturday night due to a nasty storm. Bless Tasha and Jeff who on my word let a stranger crash at their house. So both Dan and I stayed there. Luckily Danny got on the first flight out on Sunday and my drive home on Sunday wasn't too bad.

I talked with Ryan on my way home and talked to him about how much I was going to miss seeing them all every weekend, and we both agreed that for a while we would all get readjusted to our normal lives but that we would be working to stay close.

Danny's wife, who I can't wait to meet, asked Dan how he met me. Ryan and I talked about it and we agreed that it was destiny that the group of us have become so close. We believe we would have come together no matter what.

• Dan was the first one I met there we connected immediately since we were both former Badgers.
• Ryan sat in front of Dan and I during orientation and I remember thinking I want to meet him. He looks really smart.
• John I met during the after orientation social.
• John, Ryan, Francisco and I all had our first quarter morning class together.
• Ryan and Dan were in their afternoon class together.
• Dan met Craig both being Badgers connected, and Craig knew Ryan because Ryan's sister works with Craig.
• Craig knew Wes another former Badger.

I'm blessed beyond measure to have met these individuals who have all become so close and so important to me.

Tonight, I was working on the marketing plan the project, Dan, Ryan, Francisco and I are working on and I found myself getting teary. This is the last project. This is the last school deadline. Its the last major thing standing between us and graduation. It's ......surreal.

Tonight, I also got an e-card from Leeners...that also made me cry. Not because it was sad, but just because she knew exactly where I was at ...she knew exactly what I was feeling. Thanks, my friend and I'm sorry you can't make graduation but I understand.

I'm overwhelmed beyond belief....