Balance

I'm 36 now. Had a birthday a few weeks ago and entered that lovely two month period of time every year when I am in fact an number higher in age than Aileen. A fact she reminded me of in my birthday card! Which made ma laugh mind you, but remember August 13th is right around the corner and one of these days I'm going to figure out how to put pink flamingos in your front your for your birthday from half way across the country!

As I think back on this last year that had really high highs and really low lows, I realize the importance of balance in life. It is not something I have always succeeded at providing in my life, in fact, it is quite the opposite. I get focused like a train on tracks. Work and school, and sick family, etc...I juggle and multi-task and the world keeps spinning and sometimes I step back and look at it and wonder what the heck I'm doing.

I think when Mom went in the hospital last week it sent me in a bit of a tailspin. I still think I deserve an oscar for getting through the week without having any type of meltdown. Only my boss knew about it and probably wouldn't have told him had we not spent an hour and a half on the phone while he drove to St. Louis for our meeting on Thursday. Speaking of which, I know I have mentioned how much I love my new boss, but Thursday was a classic example of why he and I get along so well. The supplier gave us headsets so we could hear what the tour guide was saying on the tour. So we let him go off with our other collegue and held back and he spoke what was literally in my head, "These are cool, we can hear him and hang back here and talk." We spent most of the tour trading comments about the factory floor which wouldn't have been nearly as funny as it was since the sarcasm was running pretty deep that day. It was actually a productive meeting, until McBossy left and the plant manager decided that would be a good time to take a chunk out of my backside. Underestimating me, amuses me.

Dad and I are having conversations about putting mom in a home permanently. This decision, these conversations I think are some of the most difficult I have ever had. Heavens know there have been a series of relationships good and bad that have passed through my life and ending those was never easy. But this decision is on an entirely different level than any I have had before. It has brought me to my knees crying and trying to think about what I would want in her shoes. But the decision sends ripples through the rest of the family. Those closest will feel the ripples the most which causes a lot of concern about Dad.

Balance is precarious...and in my experience...fleeting...I gotta work on that.