Being Present

The concept of "being present" was first introduced to me about eight years ago during a class I took called "Foundations". This class lead to a coaching class that lead me to become a coach for my company. When I first heard this concept, I knew it was something I struggled with. Recently, it has occurred to me that I don't just struggle with it, I flat out ignore it.

Yesterday, in my afternoon class one of the projects presented is about how information technology effects our productivity. The class was polled (realize that the class is rather similar, we are all highly motivated, successful yet not satisfied, professionals who are likely all work-aholics). We were asked how many of us do email while attending meetings or teleconferences, all the hands went up except the profs, who remarked, "So much for being present."

Then I got on the plane and the first movie I watch was "Rumor has it" with Jennifer Aniston. It is not the greatest movie, but Jen has a warerobe to die for in this movie. Anyway, Kevin Costner's character talks about a bad experience and how it taught him to live in the moment, to be present.... Are ya seeing the continued pattern in my day?

So it got me thinking about how often I am really present in situations, how often am I in the moment. Not very often, which may explain why I feel like I am always in fast forward. I'm always thinking about the next thing before the thing I am currently involved in is done. My boss' boss brought this up to me a few weeks ago. I'll be honest, I dismissed it at the time, but it was brought to my memory when this all came up yesterday.

When I am in meetings, I am doing email. When I am on the phone, I am driving. When I am doing homework, the TV is on in the background. When I am eating, I am watching TV or driving. When I get a new job, I am already thinking of the next one. When I start one class, I am thinking about the next one. When I am in a conversation, I am watching people. I'm never there...with you whoever you might be at the time, in the moment. And sadly, the last time I remember, truly being 100% in the moment, was being in Vegas with Aileen. I am always multi-tasking. I always have too much to do, too much to accomplish and not enough time to get it done. Basically I am like everyone else in the world these days. I don't think this makes me a bad person, I'm not down on myself about it. But I do think it leaves a LOT of room for improvement on how good a friend I am.

This made up a lot of my thoughts on the plane ride here. The other was a fitful dream that left me awake for the rest of the flight that consisted of me telling something who I have feelings for that I have feelings for him, something I have no intentions of ever coming out and saying to him because I know they are not reciprocal. The dream ended with his reaction...

So I need to continue to think about how I can be more present in my life, and not come to this realization again in eight years.