A Mish Mash to match Leeners Monster Mash

Let's start with Gray's:

• I love McSteamy! Love him. Addy slaps him and he just grins. And he stuck around.
• Izzy and Evil Spawn I believe will get back together.
• Meredith is annoying me completely. And if she is pregnant, I may physically vomit.

Let's talk Men in Trees:

• My new favorite show.
• He is better than McDreamy any day. Just need a Mc Name for him....any suggestion?

Aileen talked about Iowa in her blog:

Gotta say I disagree with you on the Michigan fans being worse that Iowa fans. I think it is pretty much a tie. Who took the Bucky Badger off my desk and put it in a noose and hung it up over my desk at work -- Iowa fans! Let's not give Iowa fans too much credit, my friend. I am surrounded by them...and they suck.

Flirting via text message:

• I've been doing a lot of flirting via test message recently. And then the Foley story breaks, granted I am flirting with someone who is of age and someone I take classes with, but I suddenly see a life of political office slipping from my fingers. Bummer. Haha.

Chicago commercial:

There is a commercial in the Chicago area that I saw while in town this weekend. I don't know what this commercial is for, but the guy is talking about being married with three daughters and a female dog and female cats, and that he is swimming in the deep end of the estrogen pool. This cracked me up and made me think of my friend Dan who I was picking up at the airport on Saturday morning and told him about this commercial. He laughed and said I think I dived head first into the deep end of the estrogen pool. I have the Christmas picture of his three daughters from last year....Beautiful girls....estrogen pool or not, he did good!

I'm out for tonight, gotta pack for a business trip. Later all! Dolce Beijos!

Political Season

Come November, we have to vote for a new governor here in corn country. As you can imagine every other commercial on TV is a political advertisement. Which for the very few hours a week I watch TV it is tolerable.

Tonight while watching Grey's Anatomy, I heard a statistic that I find almost laughable. They state that 80% of meth in this fine state comes from Mexico and that little stat is their justification for immigration laws. Not the fact that it is illegal to come waltzing into any country without checking in and in some cases having your picture taken, and fingerprint filed. Yes, I know this from experience. However, I'd rather deal with the little drug stat.

Let's blame the meth problem on the Mexicans, not on the fact that we have a lot of bored people in this state with nothing better to do with their time than to play with a little chemistry set. Until a law was passed about a year and a half ago that requires me to sign away my first child several times in order to get cold and allergy medicine, there was at least one news story a week about some moron who blew up his/her house with the meth lab in the basement.

If 80% of meth in this state is brought in from Mexico, it is only because their is legislation now to protect people from their own stupidity. Unfortunately, I firmly believe those morons are also smart enough, and determined enough to find a way around the law which makes my life more difficult at a time when I would like things to be easier since I am the first to admit, I'm a bitchy sick person.

Occupational Laughter

I work in Dilbert cube hell. So I get the great honor of hearing my co-workers all day as they do too get the pleasure of listening to me all day. We even have a woman in the next aisle that suddenly and when you don't even know she is there or listening will give her two cents into our conversations, usually causing irritation. Today though catching a portion brought humor to us all.

Coworker 1 (female) says to coworker 2 (male): What's your wife's name?
Coworker 2: Her name is ___
Coworker 1: Well then who is ___ (a name not his wife's)?
This brought a chorus of laughter from the rest of us.
Coworker 2: Are you insinuating I have a girlfriend? (in a completely joking non defensive tone)
This brought more laughter, and poor coworker 1 was left stammering about what she meant.

Within 10 seconds of conversation being worked out and finished.
Coworker 2 says to Coworker 1: Hey, how are ya doing with that little stud of yours?
Causing me to nearly spray my computer with diet soda. The little stud was actually a part which I knew but come on, how can one not find that funny after the prior lead in?

I hope this isn't one of those stories you had to be there, because I'm still grinning over it.

Miscellania

• If you are a fan of Grey's and haven't watched Men in Trees, I highly recommend it. I can't watch it when it is on, because I am busy on Friday nights, but I DVR it and watch it on Sunday mornings. Its my reward for another week of school survived.
• I've been picking up Dan at O'hare on Saturday mornings. I gets me up and going and I enjoy his company on the drive into downtown. However, I miss the wake up call from my favorite little men. This week I got a voice mail message during first break. Little voices saying "Hi Miss Tammy, we came down to wake you up and you were already gone. Have fun at school and study hard." It put the biggest smile on my face for the rest of the day!
• Sorry Leeners...I like Finn. Bad movie past or not, I like Finn, though I know she will not pick him. I hadn't heard that McSteamy had signed for the rest of the season that is truly awesome news! I like him too!
• First full week back on WW is almost over. the first few days were pretty easy, the weekend has been more difficult. Especially yesterday having lunch with the guys, and seeing their burgers, while I was eating salmon and veggies.

Posing a question?

Let's talk Grey's Anatomy...

So I loved the episode last night...I love the fact the characters are flawed. God knows I am so I can relate to these people.

Izzy baking like a mad woman made my heart go out to her, but I completely understood since when I'm upset I clean like a loon. Thus a couple of nights ago, I was up cleaning until 3 am.

Bailey was awesome and how they had her come around to the epiphany was brilliant.

Christina and the in-law mother - OMG BEEN THERE! Paul's mom hated me.

Merideth - she may become annoying with this.

Addy rocked last night. But seriously...when do you think she called McSteamy. Its a three - four hour flight at least from New York to Seattle plus being there two hours ahead of departure time. She had to know through much of her drunk time that he was on his way...for what had to be mind blowing sex...because well, he's McSteamy.

McDreamy - now here is where the question was posed to me this morning, but will get to that in a moment. I was a little annoyed with McDreamy last night. But actually my annoyance came at the end of last season when she screwed Merideth in the hospital while at prom with his wife. And yes for those that don't watch the show I'm aware of how absurd that sentence sounded. McDreamy is a bit of a McJerk, even if he is flawed and confused.

So the question was posed to me at my desk this morning by JP the elder, why are all the women fawning over McDreamy?

I'm not...I like McSteamy better, though I still have affection for McDreamy. But last night when he said, "well, I feel better." I thought what a jerk, great ending but what a jerk.

I'm not married, so maybe Aileen needs to chime in on this point. But if I were in Addy's shoes, I probably would have done the same thing. She knew McSteamy loved her. She was broken hearted, I'd probably turn to him too. I think if I were trying to work on my marriage and then I found out my husband went back to his girlfriend and he let me find out in such a cruel way, I think I would have gone back to my dirty mistress too.

So during Season 2, McSteamy said to Merideth "What if just this once, the dirty mistresses win." They did!

It makes for great TV, but it is curious why we still love McDreamy?

new format

In honor of my favorite season of the year, I changed up the blog....however I lost all my links to other blogs. Now I have work to do later. But tonight is Grey's Anatomy and I have to finish reading for this week's classes...fun fun...

Aileen - if you have time call me while I'm on the road this week. I miss ya!

What is wrong with parents these days!

Remember hearing your parents saying a version of this while we were going up? What is wrong with kids these days, followed by a list of all the things we were doing wrong.

What does every kid need from a parent? Love for a child is automatic right? That is what most people say about their children. Kids need this...but it isn't the most important thing at least from my perspective. It is necessary due to what it breeds...the emotions that stem from it....

I think kids, no matter the age, need acceptance, understanding, and praise from their parents. My brother doesn't talk to my parents anymore. He may tell me I'm wrong but I think it is because they didn't give him these three things. He may say it is because they kicked him out of the house, but that would just be an extension of the three things above. I'm envious of him sometimes because he got a break...he got away. He doesn't talk to me much anymore. I have taken mom and dad's side....I didn't. I just tried to survive. I couldn't even drive when he left home. My big brother seven years older than me had always been my hero. And over the next few years, lines would be drawn on an invisible battleground because of our parents.

I learned from him though. I went away from college. I didn't stay at home, because I knew I would not survive like he didn't. Trying to spread wings, trying to be independent within the confines of another adult's house, doesn't work. I learned that the hard way by watching him. He doesn't know how painful it was to watch my family ripped apart.

We moved a lot after he was out of the house. There wasn't much fun about growing up in the house after that. There was always a cloud - a fog. I did my best to survive and tread lightly.

His grief came from my mom. Mine comes from my dad. What do little girls do when they aren't the apple of their daddy's eye? I have spent years trying to please him. I have focused so much energy on it sometimes it sickens me.

Before I went to work for JD, things were fine. I hadn't succeeded in pleasing him but I was on the right path. But about the time things started going well for me, things stopped going so well for him. I had to stop telling him about promotions or raises, because it would make me feel guilty or make me cry when he wasn't proud of me. I knew he was frustrated with his own career derailment, so I stopped sharing those things with him.

When I got into Chicago GSB, I thought he would be proud. He seemed like it at first, until he started saying things like, "I'm surprised you got in", "I didn't think you would get in.", or my personal favorite, "You probably got in because of who you work for."

One or two of these things you can blow off, they build up in a little girl's mind, even if she is 35. Since mom has been in the hospital, I think he has all these emotions built up inside and they keep seeping out as daggers aimed at me. He has told me that I am mean, harsh, and other things I can't even bear to put into writing.

I got a really horrid score on my corporate finance midterm that I took a week after my mom went into the hospital. I hadn't studied, I was a little preoccupied. I knew that if I didn't ace the final there was a really good chance I was not going to pass the class. The final was a massacre. Really smart guys were saying, "I'm not sure why I sat there that long." I prepared myself to fail the class. Prepare for the worst expect the best mind set. Even told my dad there was a chance I failed the class. That was my mistake to say that to him. Since I got my grade, which turned out to be a C. A grade I am damn proud of to be honest even if it does suck. Now he says things to me like, "The professor knew what was going on with your mother and probably just gave you the grade.", "He (the prof) was just being nice." or again my personal favorite, "I'd still like to know what kind of deal you made with that professor that got you a C." I almost told him that I had slept with the prof just for the sheer shock value of it. For the record, I didn't sleep with the prof. I did however, study my booty off for that final.

I was supposed to go see my parents this last weekend because it was my last weekend before classes start again. I was going to go Saturday morning and return on Sunday. Dad threw that last zinger in there on Friday night. Maybe I was having an emotional day, maybe it was just the straw that broke the camel's back, but I ended up in tears. This wasn't the first time he had broke me down to tears on this subject. And it wasn't that he didn't know he had me in tears the first time.

I didn't go see my parents this past weekend. I stayed at home, in the safety of a house that they can't kick me out of, where I could quietly lick my wounds from years of being the only punching bag available.

A daughter needs for her dad to believe in her. To think that every accomplishment big or small is amazing. To love her despite her imperfections. To always stand by her....to be in her cheering section.

During the month of July, my friends would laugh when I said God hated me as I pointed out all the signs of Murphy in my life. They would tell me from what they knew they were certain that wasn't true. Those weren't the real reason I thought God hated me...my empty cheering section is the reason I think God hates me.

I don't want to diminish the fact that I have amazing and wonderful friends who definitely cheer me on. Its just that inside this 35 year old, there's still a little girl...who is exhausted from trying to keep her family together for the last 21 years.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm not asking for pity. I'm just wondering when the bell is going to ring, and we get to go back to our corners, or when the ref is going to call the knock out official. Because I still feel like I am struggling to get off the mat from Friday night's blow.

Snippets from this weekend in Chicago and exam preparation!

Snippet 1
J: No man gets married willingly!
Me: You know I am frightened that I am friends with you.
J: It's true, ask any man in here. Men are tricked, guilted, and trapped into marriage; they don't get married willingly.
Me: Ask him, he's married. (pointing to the innocent bysitter(IB) to the conversation)
IB: (with smirk on his face) I am not getting into this conversation.
Me: Now there is a smart man!
J: Look at him smirking, you know he agrees with me.
Me: (deep groan!)

Snippet 2

(First to set the stage, the air show was in Chicago last weekend. And I have an overwhelming fear that one day the Sears Tower will come down as the WTC did.)

Walking out of Gleacher Center with J:
(Loud sound of aircraft flying low and close and reverberating off downtown buildings)
Me (thought): No Not while I am actually here!
J: Cool, the air show!
Me: (sigh of relief) That is not the sound you want to hear coming out of class.
J: Yeah it is.
Me: Not after 9-11
J: Yeah it is, that noise means they are blowing the bastards out of the sky.
(Blue Angels scream by a second time stopping us dead in our tracks to watch)
Me: (laughs)
J: I love this country!
Me: Why?
J: Because only in this country can a guy have breakfast in Missouri, jump in his aircraft, fly to Iraq, where some ***hole sits on his camel with a rifle saying I hate Americans, only to hear that sound you just heard right before he gets blown up, and our guy is still home in time to nail his girlfriend.
Me: (laughs) so true.

Back home, Monday night cell phone rings, caller ID says J:

J: OMG, Tammy! (sounding totally out of breathe and in a panic!)
Me: What's wrong, hon?
J: I went to Balki's class just now thinking it was the last class since I missed class on Saturday morning.
Me: Yeah, why aren't you still in class?
J: I got the hand out and waited for class to start. Balki stands up and says ok, you can start the exam. Tammy, it was the F***ing Final!
Me: (holding back laughter)
J: I went up to Balki and said I need to see you outside now. (out in the hall) Professor Balki, I thought this was the last class. I miss class on Saturday. I can't answer these questions. I swear I didn't look at the exam.
PB: (LAUGHS) I'll see you Saturday for the exam.
J: (still out of breathe and panicked mumbling incoherently)
Me: (laughing now) ok, its all right. take a deep breathe.
J: I need to go get a beer.
Me: good idea, I'll call ya later.

Text Messages later in the night:
Me to J: Are you breathing again?
J to Me: My heart just finally slowed down.
Me to J: Good, I'm working on the review questions.
J to Me: F*** it, I don't care anymore.
Me to J: Awww hon, get a good nights sleep and hit the ground running tomorrow.

Text Messages Tuesday Night:
J to Me: This sample exam is ridiculous!
Me to J: I know.
J to Me: I'm scared.
Me to J: Me too.
J to Me: Want to talk tomorrow night?
Me to J: Yes.

We didn't talk til Friday night:
We are both f***ed!

Plausible conclusions of the overly stressed

Murphy (of Murphy's law fame) has moved into my home!

Evidence:
1. My mom had a serious of TIA's landing her in the hospital in early July.
2. This lead to several driving and flying trips to between three cities (Omaha, Chicago, and home) Cost: Nearly a grand.
3. The Jeep had to have the evaporator core replaced, and a new muffler. Cost: nearly a grand.
4. The Jeep broke down again within a week of the first repair. Cost: $185
5. Cat had nasty growth on chin. Turns out to be Cat Acne! Cost $125
6. Due to the hospitalize above, was not prepared for Corporate Finance midterm. Bombed it. Median for the exam was 54. My score....not even in the underside vicinity.
7. Minor infestation of fleas in cats. Lead to minor infestation in the house due to lack of attendance in house from being in other two cities mentioned above. Cost: TBD
8. Staying at Dad's house, the landlord hadn't cut the grass. Took dog for walk in long grass. What did I get out of it? Chigger bites!
9. Arriving home early one morning from one of the cities listed above, early meaning 2 AM. Find a cat missing from my home. My favored cat to be exact. After intense search of the house with fear of finding furry creature curled up in corner not breathing, an intense search outside next, with no sign of cat. After meltdown, sleep and second search still yielded no cat. Another meltdown and more sleep another search, still no cat. 7 AM....missing cat emerges from thoroughly searched garage, much to the dismay, outrage, and relief of owner.

I need an exorcist to come get Murphy out of my house. The thread long gone, and the rubber band is stretched too tight and I'm running out of office supply analogies for my mental health.

So we are adults...when did that happen? How do we get it to stop?

Ch..Ch...Ch..Changes...

It has been a while since I posted. There have been numerous reasons behind my absence. I have been swamped for one. Spreading my time between three cities, and balancing work, school, family, and the seemingly endless lines of errors that pop up in my margin for errorless life. The most important reason was that I just didn't have any pleasant or fun things to blog about. Dealing with sick parents although likely something all must face at one point or another, is nothing glamorous or humorous even if humor can sometimes be found it isn't the type one shares with others.

Understanding Found

I dated a person for a while and after it was over I couldn't understand why God had made our paths cross. Even though I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason I didn't understand this one person that treaded so destructively on my heart and what his true purpose was. He has been out of my life for three years. It took three years to find the answer... It was about who he would introduce me to. For they have become extremely important in my life and I hope they will remain for far longer than the one I dated, actually I not only hope for it, I know they will.

Improvements Made

Today was the first day I had seen my mom in almost two weeks. She has been in rehab during this time. I went to see her today with some trepidation. The last time I went to see her after listening to my dad say things were ok or improved, I was shocked at the state of the situation. Today I was pleasantly surprised. She can eat without assistance, when she wants to. She doesn't always want to eat but she can do it. She couldn't when I left. She moves much more than she did before. She will move her feet around while she is sitting and move her arms around. I have been told she will stand with some assistance but she is doing more and more of it herself. And I believe we will see her taking steps in the next few weeks. Things are not as bleak as they were when I left.

Priorities Shift

I have always considered myself a loner. I have great friends. I have always kept the circle small and refined. That has changed, and I have seen what an asset I have in the friends I have in the inner circle and opened the circle to many more. I have been quite blessed to be surrounded by incredible people at work, school, in personal settings, and through networks of those.

Work though still important to me, in a three week period of time, stopped defining me. I love my company, they have been incredible to me and providing me with contacts that have significantly impacted my life such as D squared. I connected my work and company too closely to my identity. That is no longer the case.

Between watching the health issues with my mom and years of conversations with Aileen, my own health has become a priority like never before. In the last five months I have lost 25 pounds. Inspired by Aileen, I rejoined the gym last week. I have refocused on this because I never want to be in a hospital thinking I might have prevented it by just using common sense.

I am burned out on school. Two years into the program, I have two quarters and three weeks to go and I tired. I have never been so glad in my life that I have done something. This accomplishment will be sweet. To finish the program and get the sheepskin will be amazing, but none of that compares to the group of people that have touched my life through this program. A list far to long to write here, but one that I will pray for regularly and that I will smile while they accomplish great things and make simply amazing lives for themselves and their families.

Speaking of families, I've found I'm ready. Ready to settle down. Ready to commit. Ready to find the one. Ready in a way I have never felt before in my life. This doesn't mean I am desperate. Nor does it mean I am hunting the one down. I'm just open to it like I haven't been for a very long time.

Life is Short

How many times have we all been told this? In the past two weeks it has become my reality. You see, my mom who has spent these two weeks in the hospital and has become nearly like a 5 year old is actually 67 years old. If I have a stroke at 67 like she did (which I don't plan on doing but if it happens....), I'm 35, which means I'm already half way done! What a freaking call to reality that thought is.

What was amazing is while back at work today, a woman who makes me absolutely crazy normally, we will call her Ben, sent me an email nosing around in my work that she knows how to do soooo much better than I do. Normally this would send me into a tizzy. Today, while taking calls from my dad throughout the day in order to handle things with my mom, that email didn't phase me in the slightest. I had bigger fish to fry. This woman's effect on the larger picture of my life is minimal. This thing with mom just brought the world into perspective. I'm a lot more than what I do.

I have amazing group of friends that I absolutely adore. And any of you that I haven't said this too recently, I love each and every one of you.

Well back to the books for me. I have a midterm on Saturday. After class on Saturday, I'm driving back to Omaha to spend a few days before returning back home.

At a loss

I have had one hell of a week. I don't even know where to begin. I could discuss the horrible customer service of United Airlines, but I'm at my destination now and that doesn't seem to matter to me anymore. I could discuss my absent mindedness and my inability to concentrate on anything of real substance. Or I could talk about how infuriated I am at my mom right now, who for the most part is a vegetable in a bed now, except for a few moments where the woman seems to come out of it.

Things aren't good. I don't see much improvement and from my understanding through the grapevine since I was in class when it happened, she has been turned down by one rehab center already because of her showing a lack of desire to get better. My dad hasn't told me of this yet. Honestly, I don't expect him too because I think he blames me because I told them about her 5 year long depression.

I have great and wonderful friends who have been amazingly supportive through this. I have sat here and gone through my contacts list on my phone several times thinking I need to talk to someone about this, a list that includes Ryan who left me a voice mail just a few hours ago. I don't know who to call. I don't know what I would say. I'm just at a loss for words at this point. I'm angry and frustrated and there is no one I wish to yell at and no way I know of to get this off my chest. So what does one do?

They are going to put her in a nursing home and she will rot for how ever many years she lives if she doesn't show a desire to get well. The only thing this will accomplish is to weaken my dad and his spirits. How do you be supportive through this? How do you allow him to make decisions that will do harm to him?

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just at a loss.

Miscalculations on that thread

First, I must acknowledge the fact that JP, the elder, wrote a comment in my blog. I was pleasantly surprised. And mildly shocked that it didn't include a reference to the explanation he has been trying to get out of me for a couple of weeks now. ;o)

Second, have to give more props to Aileen's email that has been reread several times now.

Third, a small bit of advice to add to those who wish to dare to stretch their thread of sanity to the brink of insanity as I have. Make sure you calculate for the unexpected log added to the fire! My mom was put in the hospital today. I didn't have room for that miscalculation. I trying to find more thread even as I type.....I have seven more weeks within which I have to continue to avoid the complete mental breakdown that looms in my path. More on mom tomorrow. Right now there is a spreadsheet, and a case demanding attention so that I am prepared for class tomorrow.

It must be the weepy day of the month! WTH!

Sometimes I think God is looking down on me looking for opportunities for payback because I'm such a pain in the butt. I'm on my way home from Target which though was a needed trip could have waited til morning but I was avoiding homework. I get all my stuff, and head out. I get going and I feel like I'm in that commercial for satellite radio, I can't remember whether it was for XM or Sirius, but where you begin to feel like they are watching you because they know exactly what to play. I have been missing Rob this week probably because of the 4th and I was thinking about him a lot because of the holiday. Anyway, before he left for Iraq the first time I sent him a song to remind him of me. I avoid hearing that song at all costs because it makes me sad. Two notes of the song, not even so much as a word hit the speakers and I'm crying, out right, no way to say it was something in my eye crying.

I pull myself together and I come online. I got an email from Aileen that made me laugh and feel a lot better about a situation, and then I read her blog. I haven't had the TV on in probably a week except to watch Big Brother tonight. And her blog tells me that Steve Yzerman retired!!! I'm crying again. Steve Yzerman was like a hero to every hockey fan that grew up in Detroit. I'm so sad. Ok, yeah, he had a 22 year long career, we all knew it was coming, but but but...seriously, I cried when he won the Stanley Cup the first time. To see him lift it over his head still gives me chills to this day when I see it! Hockey will never be the same! Thanks for the memories, Steve! I'm going to dig out my Stevie Y jersey to wear to bed...

How did you spend your summer vacation?

I have taken the entire week off as it only required three vacation days for me to get the week off. I must admit with the looming departure for Chicago tomorrow it doesn't feel much like a week off. Three classes has me sleeping less and less, good news, after this weekend it is only 7 more weeks of my life. Yesterday, I spent a majority of the day staining the decks. One is done, the other is only partially done and it is the larger of the two. Unfortunately, today I have to finish up preparing for class and doing laundry so at this point it will have to wait for Sunday. I think it will be an after work activity for the coming week. I'm also getting my hair cut today, and I have to get the oil changed in the Jeep. Putting 500+ miles on a week with the Chicago trip deems frequent oil changes and I have missed one during the hecticness of it all.

See how boring my life is? On the best note though, I'm down 20 pounds. I'm taking the slow and steady road this time and really making changes. It feels pretty good to have finally found my own path.

I'm proud to be an American

Ok, so every blogger in the US probably used that title today, but it fits. I LOVE the 4th of July. I always have except that one year I had the freak accident and a firecracker went off in my ear. LONG Story.

When I was a kid, most of the time we would spend 4th of July at my Grandparents house in Sioux Falls, SD. I loved my grandparents. My grandfather was every bit the Sioux Indian. He was dark and handsome. I remember him being so tall. But he was a gentle giant in my eyes and he loved me to pieces. He had the nose and the forehead and when he grew older he had this salt and pepper hair that made him look so distinguished. My mom would tell me stories about him from when she was a child, and I swear she described a different man. To this day, even if my version is tainted through the eyes of a child, I like my version better. My grandmother was spunky to the day she died at 91 years old. She would say "Tammy, don't let them pressure you into getting married. You have all kinds of time for that." I miss her. She hasn't been gone as long as my granddad who died while I was in college. Grandma only died a few years ago. I was the last one that got to take her out to eat. I know that sounds silly. I woke up one Friday morning and I was just pressed, it was just so heavy on me to go see her. I took a half day that Friday and I drove the six hours to go see her. I was last one to take her out to a restaurant to eat. She went down hill after that weekend and she was gone six months later. I didn't see her again after that weekend. As selfish as this sounds, I wanted to remember her the way I knew her.

The other great thing about spending 4th of July in Sioux Falls was spending it with my cousins. I loved seeing my cousins. I only usually got to see them once a year and I cherished every moment. From pillow fights in grandma's basement to fireworks at Aunt Linda's house, to talking about life (the grand lives we had back then) while waiting for Clark to hide.

I have very fond memories of the 4th's from my childhood. As we grew, we stopped going that week every year. I wish we hadn't stopped that tradition.

Today was a good 4th of July. The fireworks by the UniDome were very good this year and spending it with friends was good. I needed the time away from the books and the to do list. If only there were a few more hours in each day.

Tonight, I thought a lot about Rob and the sacrifices he has made for his country. He spent his 4th in Egypt. At least I think that is where he is still at. Rob, if you are still reading this...Thank you for all you are doing and everything you have put on hold so that those of us here can enjoy our 4th without threat or fear of losing what has made this country so great.

Towers and Views

• Last week Friday, while I was driving into Chicago, I was listening to CNN on satellite radio (how did I ever live without XM radio?). They were interviewing the sister of one of the men that was arrested for the Sears Tower conspiracy. First, seriously where do they find these people? This poor woman furthered the cause of every stereotype possibly given of her particular background. That is about as politically correct as I can say it. And it was obvious the woman was trying so hard. I really wanted to beat Lou Dobbs over the head. Until I reached the place on the Kennedy Expressway, where you come up over a slight rise and there is the Hancock Tower and the Sears Tower. I imagined what the skyline would look like without the Sears Tower and I found myself getting really angry inside. I have been coming to Chicago every weekend for almost two years. This has become my adopted city. The thought of something happening here and worse something happening to the people of Chicago had me twisted in a knot. All of the compassion I had for this woman drained out of me at the sight of this tower that most Saturday mornings before 9 AM I can't see the top of as it tickles the clouds. Suddenly I just wanted this woman's brother to pay for even considering for a second doing one thing to my city. Even tonight as I drove in, seeing the Tower had the same effect on me.

• I found another thing Leeners and I disagree on. I like Star Jones. I find her to be well spoken, intelligent, and real. What happened with Barbara Walters and ABC still has me a bit perplexed. If they said she could handle it any way she wanted, why did they have such a fit about her just telling the truth? She took the most courageous path. She admitted to the world that she was fired. She could have made up a story like they seemed to want her to, but she chose to tell the truth, which wasn't pretty. I was fired once. And never in a million years would I have gone back in there for two months after being told I was fired to work every day like everything was fine. For two months, they made her come in and do what they wanted like everything was just fine. But the moment she releases the information that she "felt like she was fired." which "HELLO, ABC - you fired her!, they all run for the hills and say no you can't come back now, you have made it too uncomfortable for us. They made themselves look like they were a bad dog that was running away with his tail between his legs. And the one in my opinion that came out looking the worst in this was Barbara. When she got on the next day and made her speech, in that "I want to help America understand my pain" tone of voice, that I'm sorry came off as nothing but condescending and said that Star chose another path than the dignified one we gave her, I really wanted to vomit. I have a feeling that Star will come out of his smelling like a rose. Every time I have ever known someone to be wrongfully terminated, it turns out to be a inflection point in their life and something amazing happens. As for Rosie joining the View, I think that is laughable. She had a show of her own which I watched for a long time, until she became so harsh with her guests that I couldn't stomach anymore. I think the banter at the beginning of the View will see its last days while Rosie is on the show because unless you agree with her, she just gets nasty. The point of the show at the beginning was to bring people from different viewpoints and perspectives together now everyone involved at the table appears to be from the entertainment industry. I might be from Iowa but I am no hick. And I am nine months away from earning myself a masters degree from a top rated school, but there is no one in the entertainment industry that I honestly think could express my view. The view has only one view now...and its looking through some rosie colored glasses.

The thread gets thinner

So I drove into Chicago, again with the dulcet tones of Anderson Cooper describe death, destruction and his brother's suicide. The book is sad in a poignant kind of way. Anyway, I left early because to make a 6 PM class on Friday, you guessed it, you have to be in 5 PM downtown Friday night rush hour traffic. So as I am crawling along at 10 MPH, I called Ry who is also taking a Friday evening class. Left him a voice mail and he called me back minutes later, the vibrate in my pocket scared the living crap out of me. I nearly bumped my head on the top of the Jeep. We discuss the insanity of taking a Friday evening class as he is on a train and I am stuck in traffic. I tell him about the thread of sanity I am hanging on to. He asks me what classes I'm taking...I explain the three wonderfully exciting classes I am taking (It is still early in the quarter). To which he busts out laughing and says "You are crazy!" Now I had just told him about my thread, don't call a girl crazy when she only has a thread of sanity. HA!

Friday night class was awesome, I love to negotiate and I had one very cute negotiation partner for the role play. On to Saturday, I spend the day with J who came in just a LITTLE hungover from being at the Sox game the night before. It was a beautiful night not to be in class but to be at the Sox game. Now I will admit, I have a tiny miniscule crush on J. He is a lawyer, getting his MBA. Well spoken, intelligent, quick witted. He has a girlfriend. So it remains a tiny crush. I'm so tired I am writing in fragments! I only point that out because I know that Leeners was thinking it. I digress. Lunch was at Billy Goats. Back to class. After nine hours of classes, I was shot. I think my brain shut down at 35 minutes to 4PM (the end of class). It packed up its books and headed for the Jeep long before my body did.

After class, I met Ry in the lobby for a quick chat. He says you looked wiped out. To which I respond, three classes is a LOT. He asks if I am going to make it through the quarter. I said Sure it is only 10....9 more weeks of my life now.

I am graduating in March. I am graduating in March! 9 weeks, 2 classes in the fall, 2 classes in the winter, and I graduate!!!!! I just have to hang on to that thread a little longer!

The birthday....ehhh. It was. I'm going to stop celebrating them. Instead of being time to celebrate, they have become a reminder of how far behind the plan I am.

Surprise!

The Leeners had told me to expect a package. You see my birthday is coming up...SHHHHH!!!!When the box arrived, I was like a child on Christmas Morning. You see, my dear friend Leeners, picks out the best gifts ever! I wish I had the ability to pick the perfect gift every time the way she does. She didn't disappoint this time either....I get to ride to Chicago with the sweet sound of Anderson Cooper's voice reading me his book. I can't wait. Thank you A!!!! Thank you Thank you!!

Brittany vs. Angelina

An odd match up you say? Well, Brittany was interviewed by Matt Lauer last week, in what I can only call the worst botch job of how to handle publicity I've seen in years. And tonight, Angelina will be interviewed by Anderson Cooper, ahhh, The Coop, and will show us all how it is done.

Brittany either needs to fire her people, or her people need to quit over the fact she didn't listen to them. Let's break it down:

• If you want sympathy, don't dress like a that. You get to show a little leg or you get to show a little breast. But your breasts do not get to look like they are about to flop out and say hi at any minute.
• Brittany is not uncomfortable with her pregnant body as evidenced by the bikini clad shots of her at the beach splashed everywhere. So what the hell was with her posture? If you want to go for the I'm protecting my unborn baby look, try a black shirt that covers your chest and sit up straight!
• If you are going to cry, (can you hear me groaning?) do it gracefully. A few tears shown for the cameras and you sweetly ask Matt for a minute and you step off camera. Don't blubber for the public, its a very presumptious to think that the public cares that much.
• If you want to discuss the strength of your marriage, the main statement everyone takes away should not be, He's a man, its hard for him to deal with my millions.
• The issue of Sean Preston sitting on your lap while driving, your first story was good, I was scared, there were cameramen everyone...the "I did that with my grandpa ...its what we do, we're country." OH who let her go there????
• If you want the housewives of American to identify with you, don't talk about the woman that comes in once a week because your house is just too big for you to clean by yourself. Most housewives of America just rolled their eyes at you.
• And lastly someone please fire the idiot who did her makeup and made her look like a french whore, which actually did match the getup she was wearing.

Jolie was interviewed during her pregnancy by Diane Sawyer. She was dressed well, the obviously told the cameraman from what angle and how much of her they could show, her makeup was muted, but she still looked elegant and poised. I'm not a bit Jolie fan, but I will give her props at some point if not still now, she listened well to her coaches. Tune in to AC 360 tonight, she will show Brit how publicity is done.

Commander in Chief...Chief Commander...Insane Moron?

I have supported the war. I have kept most of my thoughts to myself when it came to President Bush...most...not all.

For those of you who may not have heard even though it was on CNN and every network evening news, back in April we had a series of tornados that ripped through three counties here in Iowa doing millions of dollars of damage. Now I have donated to the Katrina funds. I gave to the tsunami funds. I give to several charities. So even though I don't live in the counties that had the damage. And I didn't suffer any damage at all from these twisters. I'm just a little miffed that our illustrious leader couldn't see fit to use some of the tax dollars that I pay in for him to do with as his little oil mongering self would like, to help the citizens of Iowa devastated by yet another nature disaster. No, it wasn't important enough to help the state of Iowa to fund the rebuilding projects. I guess we in Iowa aren't that important...except for that month every four years when we hold the first caucus. They need our votes and we are suddenly important and then they forget about us for another four years.

I'm disappointed, disillusioned, and praying that a Democrat will come to the forefront that I could actually stomach voting for. Because you see in reality, I didn't vote for Bush...I voted against Kerry. I'm disgusted that I am starting to regret that more each day.

Click on this!

http://d21c.com/terri1/flash/smile.swf

A finance guru I am not.....or Lets get you into the stirrups!

I couldn't decide on a title so I used both, oddly enough in a way they both work for the whole thing.

I have been buried under investments and finishing up this quarter, thus I haven't written. Saturday this quarter will be over and I will be free for a week before I start the masochist schedule of three classes and a 10 hour drive.

I had to go to the doctor today. There are a few words that no woman wishes to hear from anyone with the letters MD behind their name. "Let's get you into the stirrups." Every woman needs to have a quota for how many times their feet can be in that position per year without it being for pleasurable purposes. My quota is one. And I have surpassed it....again. Going back to the odd part, I think the fear that struck in me today will be a lot like the fear I will feel on Saturday morning right before the test begins. I digress. So I have been having a lot of pain recently, not something I am unaccustomed to when it comes to the more female dedicated portions of my body. But this was different. This was a new creature that at first seemed like nothing and in three short days turned into Satan! I'll refrain from the gory details. But at the end when the Doctor says, "It's quite common, you did nothing wrong and you couldn't have prevented it." It is one of those times in life when you really want to look at the sky and say "And the purpose of this was??????" I guess men get hernias so it isn't like its one sided or anything. She assured me that it will be better before my final. Which is good because the fear that will be struck on Saturday morning has absolutely nothing to do with my Vee-jay-jay so it shouldn't factor into the equation by reminding me of its existence.

PS...let me just apologize now to any male readers who stopped reading at the word stirrups.

Back home again in Indiana...

There was a time in my life when I literally lived for the month of May and a week in the summer. During May, I lived, breathed, ate, and dreamed the Indy 500. Then during a week in the summer, everything became about the Michigan 500. I would get tickets and pit passes and I was in heaven for 5 days. Reality of being an adult took away my dreams of being the first woman to win the Indy 500 and now I live in envy of Danica Patrick. I have been so busy this May that it hadn't really even occurred to me that it was May...not just May but MAY! Until I heard an ad on my way home yesterday that Michael Andretti had returned from retirement to play at the Brickyard this year along with his son Marco, who makes me feel old because I remember the year he was born. I remember having a huge crush on his father, and a huge crush on his uncle basically I just wanted to be an Andretti. I remember being transfixed by happy hour at the brickyard. The last hour of the day during qualifying between 4 - 5 each Saturday and Sunday when the sun had gone down enough to shadow the track and it would cool and the speeds would go up.

So today I plopped myself onto the couch and watched the 500, cheering on Michael. 3rd place isn't bad for coming back out of retirement, and I am certain Marco earned himself Rookie of the Year with his second place finish.

It was a great day of memories and still wishing I could be there...driving.

A friends a friend forever...

Yep I pulled out and dusted off this MWS fav of mine...

So last week on Saturday, I screwed up at lunch, I had made plans with Ry on Friday, and then my group was supposed to meet and I had a chance to have lunch with Greg...And I was double booked and not thinking. Ry and Dan had lunch together elsewhere. But of course in my mania filled week, I was worried about Ry and afraid he might be upset with me. But the week was crazy and I know he has been killer busy at work recently so I didn't get him called to apologize for my forgetful mind.

I was nervous about seeing him today...How silly am I. At lunch time when he came down the stairs while I was standing next to Dan, one smile when I looked up at him erased every fear filled thought I had this week in respect to this. I'm a freak, just thought I would let you all know that. It can't possibly be normal to worry about all this small stuff. Anyway, a hug kicked the last of the thoughts out of my head and off we went to lunch.

The group of six of us decided to take out lunch and sit outside to eat it since it was simply unbelievably beautiful in Chicago today. We sat down near the river and the conversation as always had me in stitches.

Snippets of conversation...(whether they translate or not for those who were not there, they will be a source of amusement for me in the future...)

A penny picked up off the ground, "If the market was efficient, this would not be on the ground."

"I've forgotten everything I know about balance sheets." "Balance sheet, what's a balance sheet?"

"Do you think we could organize the panhandlers, give them money and insurance and have them panhandle for us?" "We would have to have some sort of box so they couldn't get the money back out that was given to them." "And GPS so we always knew where they were." "I think we are moving from entrepreneurship to pimpship." "You wouldn't be Chief Executive Officer, you would be Chief Executive Pimp."

"Imagine what we could come up with if we used this education for good!"

Story told in old geezer professor voice...."So there's this guy, and he likes to draw on women's' backs. He likes to draw with crayon so it doesn't really hurt the woman. And if he doesn't get to draw on a woman's back once a month, he becomes very violent and kills people." "That's not a real case." "Yes, it is, he told this story in class." "It was to figure out if one person's short time discomfort was worth it for the greater good of society." "And then he walked up to a girl in the class and said would you let him draw on your back?" "He did not." "he did." ...The conversation digressed from there and got more amusing and likely to most more offensive. Personally my sides hurt from laughing while I typed that.

Leave the Driving

Neil Young seems appropriate this morning....

"driver's license and registration,"
Said the officer with his flashlight
Searchin' around the floor of the car
Smellin' like somethin' ain't right


Ok, so I am driving into Chicago this morning. I am about 20-30 miles west of Rockford heading toward 90. There is a group of three of us driving together at about 80, (in a 55). When we see just a glimpse of something flashing at the bottom of the hill and around a corner through some trees....BRAKE LIGHTS hit all three cars. We head down and around the corner to be met by four, count 'em FOUR patrol cars. Three on one side of the road, one on my side of the road, and one what appears to be abandon car on the side with the three. All four officers were on the side of the road with the most vehicles, and standing behind one of the patrol cars in a conspiratorial little group gathered around one that must have been in charge who was looking through some book he had laying out on the truck of the car.

We went by while the four stooges stood and watched us go by, and this provided my mind entertainment for at least the next 20 miles or so....so I'll share...

Man from apparently abandoned car sits bleeding in the back of one patrol car while the four stooges look through the book on the trunk of the car... "Men, there must be something in here we can charge him with, we already slapped him around, patted him down and cuffed him, we need to find something?"

The book is actually a map book. "the line is behind the car, so it is in your jurisdiction, you take care of it." Second officer, "no it is in front of the car, so its in your jurisdiction, you take care of it."

There were more but I have probably bored you already. But seriously what manner of creature could be so fearsome that it requires four of the sheriff's men?

PS -- that last part was for the 'leeners.

Time for me to go get smarter, or fall asleep....the Italian prof is a snoozer.

ts

Leave the Driving

Neil Young seems appropriate this morning....

"driver's license and registration,"
Said the officer with his flashlight
Searchin' around the floor of the car
Smellin' like somethin' ain't right


Ok, so I am driving into Chicago this morning. I am about 20-30 miles west of Rockford heading toward 90. There is a group of three of us driving together at about 80, (in a 55). When we see just a glimpse of something flashing at the bottom of the hill and around a corner through some trees....BRAKE LIGHTS hit all three cars. We head down and around the corner to be met by four, count 'em FOUR patrol cars. Three on one side of the road, one on my side of the road, and one what appears to be abandon car on the side with the three. All four officers were on the side of the road with the most vehicles, and standing behind one of the patrol cars in a conspiratorial little group gathered around one that must have been in charge who was looking through some book he had laying out on the truck of the car.

We went by while the four stooges stood and watched us go by, and this provided my mind entertainment for at least the next 20 miles or so....so I'll share...

Man from apparently abandoned car sits bleeding in the back of one patrol car while the four stooges look through the book on the trunk of the car... "Men, there must be something in here we can charge him with, we already slapped him around, patted him down and cuffed him, we need to find something?"

The book is actually a map book. "the line is behind the car, so it is in your jurisdiction, you take care of it." Second officer, "no it is in front of the car, so its in your jurisdiction, you take care of it."

There were more but I have probably bored you already. But seriously what manner of creature could be so fearsome that it requires four of the sheriff's men?

PS -- that last part was for the 'leeners.

Time for me to go get smarter, or fall asleep....the Italian prof is a snoozer.

ts

Miss Independent

Miss Independent, Miss Self Sulficient, Miss Keep your Distance..........(describes me entirely too well, and for the purpose of this post....) Miss Forgetful Mind!

I posted the pics of my Europe trip about a week ago. I can't for the life of me remember how I put that flash link in the side bar of my blog. So to get to the pics use this link...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/42924991@N00/sets/

And select Spain/France May 2006 set. Enjoy!

And finally, its 3 AM again, but this time, I'm heading off to Chicago...couldn't bring myself to make the drive in holiday traffic last night. So I'm off....Aileen, my plan is to hit Trader Joe's on my way home! Better tell me what to buy this morning so I will have the list this afternoon. Oh, and this is the first weekend testing out the new XM radio I installed in the Jeep otherwise known as "the Beast!"

Margin for Error

Indigo Girls have a song that talks about a margin for error...I can't recall which one though, it isn't the title I know that.

Anyway, this week I had the distinct honor of meeting a friend for dinner while I was in KC to see a supplier. Actually it was a friend of an ex, who I have kept in not so close contact but when I knew I was going down there I contacted her to let her know I would be in the area. I hadn't talked with her since the time I was considering taking an assignment in Brazil and I hadn't seen her in two and a half years. She has a great memory, she remembered who paid the last time, she remembered I call my employer "Uncle John", and so much more.

It is rare to find a kindred spirit I have found, at least for me. Leeners and I are...But on a different levels. Our friendship was tried by the fire of stupid immature boys and forged by heartbreak, joy, and her ability to put up with my mania and me hers. My KC friend who I will refer to as KC now, is different kind of kindred. She knows me even when I didn't know myself. She treaded a path I am on long before I did. So she was able to tell me everything I'm going through is normal. Nothing better in the world than to find out things are normal when you think you are the oddest duck in the pond. 3 hours and a bottle wine, we talked about a lot of stuff. She told me I hadn't left much margin for error in my life....That's the truth, oddly, I hadn't even considered it. She also said I'm still running and not ready for a relationship. This I have given much thought, why have I been running so hard?

We talked about marriage and the sacrifices, and the difficulty of allowing the submissive side to come out. (Aileen pick up your jaw...hehehe)

It was an intense three hours, and yet so NEEDED. So thank you KC for helping me get my arms around my own head.

During the conversation I found out that my ex's mother died, she was this amazingly strong, wonderful woman. I almost cried when I found out...Kept it together! But I thought I should contact him but that will open a can of worms that would be painful for both of us and in reality I would be doing it for me not for him.

So now after talking with her, I have been thinking a lot and someone this morning said that I'm so scared I don't trust. This is true...I just don't know how to fix it. Perhaps it goes back to that margin for error thing...

Cause you had a bad day....

Yes it is a musical week.... small intermission for lyrics...

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
So where is the passion when you need it the most

Top Five clues I should have stayed in bed:
1. Arguing with someone I care about before even hitting the shower
2. It's Tuesday which means there's a staff meeting within minutes of my arrival to work
3. Within the first fifteen minutes of said staff meeting, I piss off a team mate.
4. Within the first twenty minutes of said staff meeting, not only do I piss off a team mate, but I also start a snowball effect where another team mate continues my questions of the first team mate which elicited fingerpointing and defensive reaction in first team mate.
5. After said staff meeting, I went to apologize to first team mate only to be told not to apologize to him, but to apologize to God and never to question him again. (And no I still haven't figured out how God came into play in this)

And it all happened before 10 AM - the time I normally actually wake up to the fact that I am dressed, at work, and answering email.

Yeah, I had a bad day....and the above was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. I should have just stayed in bed.

Its 3 AM

I was going to put the song lyrics in here, but they don't really apply. But I love Matchbox 20 anyway.

I can't sleep. I woke up a half hour ago and let my black feline back in the house and now I'm awake. I took a half day of vacation today. I went into work and within about 20 minutes I was annoyed with those who have cushier jobs than me complaining about how they don't want to do their work when I watch them dump everything on someone else already. Then I opened my email and within 5 minutes wanted to throw every factory tactical person off the island. By this point I was staring at my puter thinking "This job SUCKS!" I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person. I'm gonna have sheepskins galore in a few more months along with a second mortage sized payment per month to pay back the student loans. And you know what...I'm a clerk. I'm a highly paid, unappreciated clerk. You might as well put me at the check out counter at Walmart and say "Scan this."

There are benefits to my job. I have gotten to see a lot of the world that I wouldn't have seen otherwise. I'm spoiled when I travel. I have some very cool projects going that I know will help my company a lot! But the day to day work...the mindless, mind numbing sit in front of puter for 8 hours a day work...SUCKS! And my pay sucks, and I keep thinking about 6 months after I'm done with school and that second mortgage sized bill starts rearing its ugly head and God help me I better be in a different job then I have now by then and pays a heck of a lot more or my standard of living is going to significantly decrease. This factored into my passing on the Miata, which I wanted ...coveted. This school thing better pay off. Everyone keeps telling me, it will pay off...when I complain about the drive. Today someone said that to me. I wanted to scream. People keep saying that and yet my position stays the same. I wanted to yell, "Will it?" "Are you certain?" "You have that same smile on your face that everyone else does when they say that?" Or my boss' boss...his line is classic "You are doing the right thing by going to school." Am I? Really? Are you just saying that? While you stare at me with those blank unreadable manager eyes? When do we learn that look? The look that says "I don't give a crap what happens to you as long as my career keeps moving?" Will it happen will I become like them...one of those robots that only cares about myself? Or will I keep helping my co-workers find good mentors? Encourage them to go to decent schools and go into debt? No, I won't get that look, I'll be like D squared...I hope I'm like D squared otherwise what's the point? The money is a product of the relationships, not the other way around.

Then I look at my friends who are married or having kids, I keep thinking I missed a boat somewhere. Yes, I focused on my career - everyone always knew I would. Yes, I have focused on school. Blah blah blah....

Anyway, after my coworker told me that school would pay off in the end, I decided I needed to get out of there before I suffocated, which was a real threat today. At noon, I popped my head up and said, "unless you have objections, I'm outta here for the day." To which he said "have fun studying." my response "Who said anything about studying, I'm gonna go dig in the dirt and find a new attitude. " And dig in the dirt I did...I went and bought $130 in flowers and I potted and planted the rest of the afternoon. Good for the soul. Just not good enough...cuz its 3 AM and here I sit. I should have changed into a tank today, I'm working on a dang good farmers' tan now.

For almost two years, I have been in a speeding car racing toward graduation. The last few days have brought the realization, that I am in a speeding car racing toward a marker six months after graduation....I hope that brick wall gets knocked down before I turn into a crash dummy.

Its almost 4 AM...maybe there is another hour of sleep in me before I go back to the think tank.

The morning after

Ok, no pics yet, I know I know. I downloaded them onto my work puter I haven't gotten them on the home one yet.

Aileen, not only did I miss you last night I hated that you were two time zones away. I kept wanting to call you during the commercials of Gray's while I was either laughing or crying (stupid dog scene had me blubbering like an idiot). But I didn't want to spoil the show for you since it wasn't even on for you yet.

I'm test driving a second car tomorrow. A little Miata. Not sure what I am going to do yet. Tried to talk it over with my dad...he's got his own stuff to think about so he never really focused on talking it out with me. I love my family, but I'm awfully isoslated recently, even when they are sitting in my house.

I broke the Cardinal Rule!

First, not bad my friend... this translation of the French below should help...

My friend, my friend... it is not as attractive as you might think, although I do not deny the benefits (of travel). The hotels age, the Eiffel Tower loses its luster, it becomes old hat. Spain never loses its luster, the men are simply astonishing, I wish that I could have remained there all week and flirted with Juan, alas Paris called my name as did Versailles and I have pictures to show. But my preferred place to visit will always be somewhere I can catch up with my partner in crime from the days of university gone by.

Last reference to the Atrebs woman herself...with whom I duel in French. I would translate your section this eve if I weren't so damn tired from breaking the cardinal rule of international travel....and unfortunately this has nothing to do with sex!

The cardinal rule of international travel - upon return from Europe do not sleep before 9 PM so that one can sleep til morning and get back on US time. I couldn't do it...I was weak this time. I was trying to do my investments homework, I had a call with Wes, one of the guys from class, I couldn't think straight, I could quite frankly barely form full sentences. So after the call, I went to bed...I think it was around 6. So it is now midnight and I am awake, good thing though I have homework to complete. I think I might need a bit more sleep first though.

Dolce Beijos!

Honey, I'm home!

I'm in Chicago, which is almost home. I was so happy to be home I nearly danced through the airport. I love the United States! I could live other places, but this will always be home!

I have a ton of homework to do because of spending too much time out at night with suppliers. It was a good time so I will not complain. I'll post pictures on Sunday.

Dolce Beijos!

Viva la France

Mon ami, mon ami....it n'est pas aussi fascinant que vous pouvez penser, bien que je ne nie pas les avantages. Les hôtels vieillissent, la tour d'Eiffel perd son lustre, il devient vieux chapeau. L'Espagne ne perd jamais son lustre, les hommes sont simplement étonnante, je souhaitent que je pourrais être resté là les tapas de manger de semaine et flirter avec Juan, hélas Paris appelé de même que Versailles et moi pour avoir des images à montrer. Mais mon endroit préféré à visiter sera toujours quelque part je peut se rattraper par rapport à la cohorte dans le crime des jours d'université allés près.


On the front of Versailles there is a large engravement that says (rough gist from memory) Toutes la glories de la France. HA! We had to bail these ungrateful bastards out twice! If it weren't for Americans, they would be speaking German! Half kidding aside, Versailles is breathtaking. The gardens were spectacular. I got to see a side of Paris I hadn't before and I actually liked it. Alright, I do enjoy downtown Paris too, and I do love the Tower Eiffel even if I can't spell it worth a damn, too many vowels for the dyslexic in me. Most people stayed on the main areas of the gardens, but when you got off the beaten path was when you found the really beautiful stuff such as Le Jardin De Roi. I have lots of pictures to post once I get back. My next trip back to Paris, I have one thing left that I haven't seen that I really do wish to tour and that is the Musee D'Orsay. It is where all the impressionist art is displayed lots and lots of Monet! A few less breasts than the Louvre. I'm on a plane home though in four hours...YIPPEE!!! I don't actually get home until Saturday night though after class.

I'm off to shower, get packed up and hit the tarmack! They have a very cool display at the airport of the concorde, at night it is lit up so that it looks like it is taking off, afterburners lit up -- very cool!

This trip has changed me a little, perhaps a lot. Not sure, will see when I return home, but I'm different...priorities have changed, I had a couple of nights without internet - I realized how much I missed contact with my friends from school and staying in touch with Aileen. There are some time wasters in my life that lost their priority through the week.

France

I'm in Orleans, France now. It is pronounced oar-lee-on here. I don't have much time to write this morning, but I'm still kicking, just been busy. Yesterday was a very long drive while we figured out how to get here. We drove around the outskirts of Paris, only seeing the very top of the Effifel Tower. I am traveling with my boss now. We have both see all the sights in downtown Paris, so we are going to Versailles if we have extra time since neither of us has been there. Not to mention, downtown Paris is a major pain in the ass.

We have switched hotels for Thursday night, where we were supposed to stay was a dump so we switched that and I got my rental car for Friday night changed to Hertz. $4 was the difference between Thrifty and Hertz....NEVER again.

I'm not homesick this trip I think in part because Juan went so far out of his way to take care of me while I was in Spain and because now I am traveling with my boss and he is as irrevent as I am and he doesn't like France anymore than I do. So even though we got lost yesterday, we weren't really lost, we knew where we were, we just couldn't get to the plant. But we have been laughing a lot which wards off homesickness. He has a three year old at home who has given him a major guilt trip because he has been traveling most of the last three weeks. He got all teary eyed talking about it at dinner last night. It was nice to see emotion in him over it. I imagine that is how I effected my dad when he was traveling so much when I was Tim's son's age. Ok, gotta run or I'll be late.

Dolce Beijos!
ts

SPAIN! The world is soooo small!

I am in Spain tonight, San Sebastian to be precise. I love it here! So I got off the plane, and came down to get my bags. I didn't know the person that was meeting me other than that his name was Juan. As I came down the stairs, I met eyes with a man, and the words that went through my head were "Please...God...let...that...be...him." God answers prayers because that was him! After we got underway, I found a sly way to find out if he was married, single! Hot damn. Living with his girlfriend. HMMPPHHH! Ok, well hot anyway, and he isn't married, so I could flirt at least and have fun. He dropped me off at the hotel so I could take a shower (majorly needed) then he would pick me up for dinner. The shower was SPLENDID! As I am waiting in the lobby for him to return, a man walks into the lobby, obviously American. I don't know how that was obvious, it wasn't any one thing, but you travel enough you pick up on certain cues. We made eye contact, he smiled, and I think I squinted (friendly, huh?). But I kept thinking I know that man. Then I reminded myself I was a quarter the way around the world and wouldn't know anyone here. Until five minutes later, it dawned on me who that was! It was the President of one of my suppliers from my former desk. And actually a company that my hot companion knew of and we had discussed on the way from the airport. I told him of the odd coincidence as we headed for dinner.

Dinner tonight consisted of going from pub to pub, having a LOT of red wine and a snack at each place. It was fun. We left one place, and we are walking down the cobblestone street when I see Mark, the President from the lobby, walking with two others, right in front of us. I asked Juan if he wanted to meet him and he said yes. So I got Mark's attention only to find him with my boss' boss! And Inigo, who works for Mark, but I love his name simply because it reminds me of the Princess Bride. The five of us spent the rest of the evening together and it was a lot of fun and probably better because I had a lot of wine and Juan is hot and Taken...Taken and hot...just Taken!!!!

My hotel room looks over the bay that goes into the ocean, I have the sound of waves to rock me to sleep. Speaking of which, it is 12:30 AM here, time to hit the hay....night all....

Dolce Beijos!

Being Present

The concept of "being present" was first introduced to me about eight years ago during a class I took called "Foundations". This class lead to a coaching class that lead me to become a coach for my company. When I first heard this concept, I knew it was something I struggled with. Recently, it has occurred to me that I don't just struggle with it, I flat out ignore it.

Yesterday, in my afternoon class one of the projects presented is about how information technology effects our productivity. The class was polled (realize that the class is rather similar, we are all highly motivated, successful yet not satisfied, professionals who are likely all work-aholics). We were asked how many of us do email while attending meetings or teleconferences, all the hands went up except the profs, who remarked, "So much for being present."

Then I got on the plane and the first movie I watch was "Rumor has it" with Jennifer Aniston. It is not the greatest movie, but Jen has a warerobe to die for in this movie. Anyway, Kevin Costner's character talks about a bad experience and how it taught him to live in the moment, to be present.... Are ya seeing the continued pattern in my day?

So it got me thinking about how often I am really present in situations, how often am I in the moment. Not very often, which may explain why I feel like I am always in fast forward. I'm always thinking about the next thing before the thing I am currently involved in is done. My boss' boss brought this up to me a few weeks ago. I'll be honest, I dismissed it at the time, but it was brought to my memory when this all came up yesterday.

When I am in meetings, I am doing email. When I am on the phone, I am driving. When I am doing homework, the TV is on in the background. When I am eating, I am watching TV or driving. When I get a new job, I am already thinking of the next one. When I start one class, I am thinking about the next one. When I am in a conversation, I am watching people. I'm never there...with you whoever you might be at the time, in the moment. And sadly, the last time I remember, truly being 100% in the moment, was being in Vegas with Aileen. I am always multi-tasking. I always have too much to do, too much to accomplish and not enough time to get it done. Basically I am like everyone else in the world these days. I don't think this makes me a bad person, I'm not down on myself about it. But I do think it leaves a LOT of room for improvement on how good a friend I am.

This made up a lot of my thoughts on the plane ride here. The other was a fitful dream that left me awake for the rest of the flight that consisted of me telling something who I have feelings for that I have feelings for him, something I have no intentions of ever coming out and saying to him because I know they are not reciprocal. The dream ended with his reaction...

So I need to continue to think about how I can be more present in my life, and not come to this realization again in eight years.

Fast Forward

Do you ever feel your life is moving in fast forward? That describes my week. My head is pounding even as I write this. If the world would just slow down for a moment, I would like to get off for a little rest.

I just came out of my Investments midterm. I was fine with the calculations part. I had the formulas, all I had to do was plug and chug. No problem. Unfortunately the last two problems were True False or it depends and I had to write a one sentence explanation for my answer. HA!!! I can't explain this stuff to myself much less to another human being. But I guess I know what I will be working on for the final. I got to those questions and I just wanted to say, just give me my B and let me go!

Now I am in the computer lab and writing this but will be finishing my paper for my next class in a few moments, because that didn't get done because I was learning to plug and chug and not explain....stupid miscalculation there!

I am only going to the first half of my next class so that I can get to the airport in time for my flight. I have decided I need to allow for more time because the car rental place that will never get my business again is almost as inept as the airlines. I'm going back to Hertz, expensive or not. My time is worth a lot of money to me. I have to remember to call Short's on Monday and have them change my car rental reservation for next week.

O'Hare...I love O'Hare, but not last night. It took longer for my bags to get to the carousel than it did to fly from Cedar Rapids to Chicago. It was ridiculous. I think the baggage handlers stopped for coffee and drank it over a game of cards using my bag as their table!

Aileen is trying to be more positive in her blog, I probably should be too, but I think I may need to get a job that doesn't require me to fly before that will happen.

Off to Europe later today...Dolce Beijos

ts

WooHOO

After several days of a goggy, sleepy barely awake mode, I have weened myself, ok, cold turkeyed the generic claritin D and I will be picking up plain claritin on my way to the Quad Cities.

Today is momentus! I know when you all read this you are going to think what is the big deal, but this is HUGE in my mind. My mentor invited me to his house for dinner with him and his family. This crosses a line, this says friendship. I know it probably sounds silly, but I respect this man so much. And oddly enough one of things I respect most about him has to do with his wife, who until tonight I have never met before. But I have never heard him say one remotely negative thing about his wife, including no negative tones, no groans, no rolls of the eyes, nothing remotely publically disrespectful. This is something so rare at my company that has always impressed me. I have learned through him how I want to be as a wife someday when it comes to how I speak about my husband when he is not around. Even if I am angry with him because of some pet peeve poked that morning.

I have midterms on Saturday. I'm scared about the investments midtem. The guys are so cool about it so laid back but this is their industry. I build stuff. Technically buy stuff to be built, but blah blah blah.

I took today off work to study and will be leaving shortly. I'll be home tomorrow night, and things will have to start getting ready for the trip to Europe. Europe and midterms in one week. I need my head examined.

Oh, I'm planning a vacation...a real vacation. I'm thinking about Alaska. The land of no cell phones at least that is my home. Leeners, want to go?

My body hates all things SPRING

It's official I'm sick. One week before I leave for France and I'm sick. I have never been to France without getting sick before or while I am there. Perhaps it isn't spring, perhaps it is just France. Anyway, I'm exhausted from taking the antihistamines, I'm aching because I keep forcing my body to move. And I really just want to go to bed, unfortunately I am five hours till the end of class and five hours of driving to get there. Oh, and I know you are dying to know this....a side effect of the generic Claritin D is a constant, incessant need to PEE! Annoying at best, and yes I thought it necessary to share!

Small intermission in writing there to watch the Columbus Drive bridge go up to let the sail boats out into Lake Michigan from the Chicago River. Been going to school here for almost two years, never saw that before today.

So the trip this last week to Lexington KY and St. Louis was interesting. My new boss is awesome. He is fun to travel with and pretty laid back. I haven't had a boss this good since Rippe left. We had some extra time so we went up in the St Louis Arch. That was fun. Another test of my fear of heights but this one wasn't difficult at all. I'm fine as long as I am enclosed and without windows. It is more challenging with windows and it is damn near impossible without enclosure. I think my boss would have stayed up there all day. You can see right into the new Busch Stadium. The egg-pod tram ride up is the tiniest bit disconcerting, but not bad. I imagine someone who is claustrophobic would have a hell of a time in there. It is only four foot high inside the pod. Bumped my head a couple of times. It is a worth while experience.

I saw the Calumet Farm in Lexington. It is the white fenced farm you see every year if you watch the KY Derby. It is pretty. I was hoping to see it from the plane on the way out but we hit the clouds too quick. I was asleep moments after that.

Well, I'm home for this week and leave on Friday to come to Chicago and Saturday leave for Spain. Tuesday I will head for France and then back on Friday for school on Saturday. Ain't life grand?

It's that time of year again

Yes, it is spring. And to many this means love is in the air, blah blah blah...you know how that one goes. To me it means this is one of the two times a year when the windows are open for a few weeks. Trees are starting to bud which means the flowers aren't far behind and I will be closing up again and turning on the air before the pollen infiltrates and makes my nose run for the Arctic. So the windows are open, to most this would be a pleasurable thing they would not think twice about, not at my house. This is the time of year that my neighbors whom I adore! get a peek into my life.

The other day I was walking around my house giving some song, I don't remember which one my best lung filled harmony...in order words I was belting it! As I walked into my bedroom with the open window that faces Richie's yard and realize there's Rich! I did a u-turn so fast out of that room. He is so kind, he hasn't said a thing but I know he heard me...and no I didn't stop I just went into the office instead.

Today I left work early because I was not feeling well and I wanted to take a nap before leaving for Chitown. I slept til 4 PM which was much needed and the headache was gone when I woke. But sleeping felt really good! I got up and was on the road by 5 PM but not without a verbal lecture to myself about sucking it up and remember you got yourself into this whole MBA mess. I am positive if my neighbors heard any part of my self lecture that yes was an outloud monologue with myself they would have been chuckling.

C'est la vie!

I know I'm a slacker

The reason I haven't posted in so long is...

Investments! This class is a royal pain in the....

I have not had to work this hard at a class before in my life! Here's the kicker. I'm so completely unsure of myself in this class that I almost skipped out of my team discussion of the homework because first I only had the first two problems done and I was relatively sure I had them wrong. My pride said don't make a fool of yourself in front of four guys. After a little encouragement and finding out they were struggling as well. We talked. I actually had the first two problems correct. The sigh of relief heard around the world!!! I get this class under my belt and it will be smooth sailing to the sheepskin.

So I gave up sugar a while back now. Saturday on the way home from Chicago...all I wanted in the world was Culver's Frozen Custard. And by some painfully cruel joke I pass by four on the way home...five if you count the one that is a mile out of the way! I am happy to report..I did not indulge my craving however, my cheery disposition was out the window by the time I got to an hour from home and still had one more to pass.

The antichrist got a new job and is no longer working in my building. People asked me if I was going to congratulate her and considering she will not even say hello to me when we pass in the hall anymore I thought that would be a rather one-sided conversation. And since while I was saying congratulations what would be going through my mind and written all over my face would be "don't let the revolving door hit you in the ass on the way out." I thought it best to let sleepy dogs lie. We don't like each other and both of us are well aware of it. And some day when she works for me I plan to fire her. :)

I like pizza

Have you seen the movie "Multiplicity" with Michael Keaton? Basically he is so busy that he keeps cloning himself and then the clones are making clones, and well the last clone made is this complete moron that sits on the washer and dryer eating pizza and all he says is "I like pizza." A friend of mine who moved away a long time ago coming up on three years now :( Because I am in school I don't get to see her very often, well at all more like it. We keep in contact via phone and such, but yesterday I got a text message from her that said "I like pizza" I had been studying or reading the most boring and frankly 1984 scary book for class called Search. The message was well timed and had me laughing for a good five minutes. Only thing was I got it about five hours after she had sent it, and had just happened to move into the room where my phone was and heard the tones.

Study break yesterday: I watched the movie "The Wedding Date". Loved Dermot in this movie. He has this line in the movie though, that had to be written by a woman, ok, maybe it was written by a man, but if it was, then that man needs to come to my door today!!!! He said "I think I would miss you even if we had never met." It was a puddle of human ooze moment. Definitely a chick flick but a good one for Sunday afternoon to curl up with.

Grey's Anatomy - disappointing in that it was a rerun...hmmmpphhh.

The end of last week was fabulous at work. I had a major win, and the kudos came rolling in from all sides. It was awesome. Even had a thank you voice mail from the factory manager - got to bask in it while I can. Cause you know...100 attagirls are blown away by only 1 oh shit.

I'm off...time to shower.

Maddening

Its 3 AM and I'm awake! I can't seem to get my body to understand what time zone it is in. After the little time change on Saturday night, I was up the first half of Sunday night. Talk about tired at work on Monday. After work last night, I had dinner, went to go for a walk and ended up talking with my neighbors for a while before I went next door to Richie's to snag Casey, the big tan dog to go for a walk. We walked a few miles before returning home, passing the most stunning man that I didn't know lived in my neighborhood. Dang when he smiled and said hello, I had an Ally McBeal moment as I disengrated into a puddle of human ooze only to recover smile and say hello back. All the while Casey dragging me along behind her. He was so fine! If you saw the movie, The Truth about Cats and Dogs, when Janeane Garafalo is on roller skates getting pulled by the dog toward the very hot guy who kisses her. This was the thought that went through my head, first of how ridiculous I looked getting dragged by the dog and second that it was a tradegy that I didn't know the man's name and that he didn't kiss me. Anyway, I finished my taxes last night, got some homework done, and exhausted from lack of sleep last night went to bed at 10.....so why? why am I awake at 3 AM? Only answer - God doesn't like me very much!

Check out the Pics of China

Click on the flickr link in the side bar to see my set of pictures from China. Enjoy!

It's April Fools Day!

I deem it appropriate that the first day of the Spring Quarter of school falls on April Fools Day. Also I find it appropriate that we turn back our clocks one hour on April Fools Day, mostly because I am having enough trouble adjusting back to central time, now we are going to go mess with it some more!

Coming back from China every flight was delayed. The first two hours, the second four hours. Now I have said before I don't know much about the inner workings of the airline industry, but come on, how hard is it to get a plane off the ground at the time you say you are going to get it off the ground. This doesn't seem like rocket science to me. Obviously I am wrong because not a single airline can get it right. By the way, I was flying United this time. So I have this theory that since none of the airlines are actually good at what they do, and that it takes an incredible amount of capital to get an airline up and running that not a single airline in the business has any motivation to improve their incredibly poor performance and thus I will have to just grin and bear it.

But I have a question for all my friends who travel a great deal for work...How much extra would you pay to be guaranteed a flight you are booked on would leave on time?

See when I got into Chicago, but some freak coincidence, I ran into my friend Jeff in the Red Carpet club for United. Jeff is the friend I stay with on Friday nights in Chicago...So truly this was a freak occurrence. Especially since I haven't flown United in a couple of years. Last night, I stayed at his house. Guess who wasn't here...Jeff! Stuck in LA at the airport. So he missed an evening with his wife and kids when he travels more than I do. I would think for a traveler like him, this would be an ideal expenditure to be assure getting home for the weekend. Someone out there with more capital than I will have to put that theory to the test.

Ok, it is 8:04 here and I am off to school! Dolce Beijos!

Still exhausted from China

I have a theory. When you travel, you run completely on adrenaline. Therefore, I didn't have jetlag while in China. I am home now and I feel like I have been hit by a Mack Truck. By 3 PM I need a nap and by 3 AM I am wide awake. This is not working well for me and could be disastrous tomorrow at school.

I have lots of pics to share from China. I will get them downloaded on Sunday and posted here. I'm doing my taxes that day too! So I will be planting my booty in front of this computer for several hours. And I might even try to get a jump on the Investments homework that I already know about. I have to take this class for the finance concentration. It will be worth all the work in the end. I'm going to keep telling myself that.

Dolce Beijos!

HMMPPHHH

So jp the elder called me at work today and the first thing he tells me is that he can't comment in my blog because it asked for his name, rank, and SS number. That is so unacceptable! So I have made the move to blogger too. I have used blogger before and so it is a return to home for me. Comment away jp the elder!